After finishing college I had been anxious to throw myself into working, and if I couldn’t find a “real” job, I needed to go back to school soon. I was restless to prove myself to the world, believing my validity laid with a title, position, or a master’s. As 2017 carried on, my mental health dwindled and my pursuit of “validity” was failing.
And then somewhere towards the end of 2017, I decided to rekindle my relationship with the gym, which had begun to wane in the midst of college deadlines, a thesis, and internships. It took a while to get comfortable in the gym again, and to develop a schedule that I’d stick to. I found myself frustrated with my body for not lifting what I once easily could and I would panic after a bout of coughing, thinking my health was certainly worse. However, I noticed every time I left the gym that I was happy, glowing (as my favorite barista, Donald, tells me) and I would go back.
It’s been a couple of months back in the gym and I no longer dread going. I am certainly seeing a physical difference, and my heart swells when I can add a more weight than the week before. While lifting today, I realized I’ve had a relatively quiet winter in terms of my health. This is something unheard of for me as November and January have typically been pretty rough healthwise.
While the gym has certainly played its part, not having the demands of school or a career have, well, given me a break. I have the time to quite literally focus on me, both with my physical and mental health. And the gym has quickly turned from a place of dread to a safe haven. In the midst of my workouts, I find my mind straying from my (derailed) concept of validity to focusing on the present moment. And, then one day it hit me: I’m doing well, it’s winter and I am (and have been) healthy.
For me, winter usually comes with a high strung balancing act between job and academic stressors, that all press heavily on my health. And while I know I will eventually make it back into the world of academia or take on a career path, I still have a vicious disease. I’m just now realizing how necessary it is to appreciate the silence from demands for my mental health, my physical health, and to build a bit more solid foundation of the two.
Luisa Palazola is a 24 year old with CF and currently lives in Memphis, TN. Luisa just recently graduated from the University of Memphis, and now she spends her time planning her next worldwide adventure, gathering medicine donations and sending them to Latin America, and taking selfies with wild fauna, family and friends. Follow her on instagram at @ladela93
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