As a community we often don’t talk about the language we use in approaching cystic fibrosis, and perhaps it’s only a miniscule detail in the midst of more demanding things. However, I do know that our use of language reflects our values and helps shape the way we think, and vice versa. With this is mind, perhaps this facet of our lives merits a little more attention and thought. In particular, I’ve found myself a torn between the pronouns I and we. For example, is it we have clinic this Tuesday or is it Luisa has clinic this tuesday? 

I’ve found myself echoing my favorite college professor, and saying “it depends."

Having a disease that’s unpredictable can strip you of any sense of control in your life. You learn to take life with a grain of salt and to bask in the calm. However, there are moments of unexpected terror or heavy disappointment that none of your life experiences could have prepared you for. And language has a funny way of wielding itself at the tip of my tongue, molding my coping mechanisms, and it becomes I coughed up blood or I had a traumatic PICC placement. By being able to say I it validates my experiences as mine, and my language gives me sense of autonomy. It becomes an unconscious opportunity to claim ownership in space where I often don’t have that control. And, that can be a pretty empowering tool.

Using more individualistic language recognizes that I am the one who faces these trials and tribulations firsthand. I am the one who has to unravel both the physical and emotional tolls that an unexpected hemopytsis episode brings. I’m also the one who feels and understands the overwhelming pride that comes with every mile run or weight lifted. It’s only me who knows what it feels like to experience my lungs both fail me, but also carry me through.

Yet, my having Cystic Fibrosis isn’t an endeavor I face alone and it’s equally valid and important to acknowledge the support systems that surround me. My perceived autonomy becomes a silly thought when it’s also my brother who rushes to get me iced water and rub my back, while I’m coughing up blood. Or when my Mom holds my hand while I’m getting an IV placed. Perhaps it’s not their bodies that are being poked and prodded, but it certainly becomes an emotional trial and tribulation that they undoubtedly share in. The difference is, they choose to be on this metaphorical journey -- and because of that, a lot of my experiences become a we.

There’s not quite a clear cut answer, is it we or is it I?  Granted, they certainly do not cough up blood, or puke mucus -- thankfully that’s only me. But, with each hospitalization, trip to the doctor’s, and adverse side effect from steroids, they are there through it all. So, as I debate which pronoun is more appropriate and best encompasses my experiences, I find myself saying “it depends."

Help Others Live STRONGER and LONGER- 

Luisa Palazola is a 24 year old with CF and currently lives in Memphis, TN. Luisa just recently graduated from the University of Memphis, and now she spends her time planning her next worldwide adventure, gathering medicine donations and sending them to Latin America, and taking selfies with wild fauna, family and friends. Follow her on instagram at @ladilla93

***Views expressed in the CFLF Blog are those of the bloggers themselves and not necessarily of the Cystic Fibrosis Lifestyle Foundation*** 

***Please speak with your physician before making any changes to your CF management***

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