Shortly after my fiancée, Ashley, told me about her cystic fibrosis, we were engaged. Months later, she passed away, leaving me to figure out what I could have done differently and how to cope.
Although Ashley and I met in June of 2015, it wasn’t until we told each other “I love you” and began talking about moving in together that I learned she had cystic fibrosis. I had suspected she had some health condition long before, but I never suspected Ashley had CF because I didn’t know what it was.
A few months later, we got engaged, looked at forever homes, and talked about trying to have a baby someday.
Just when I thought I was starting to finally wrap my head around all this CF stuff, Ashley got really sick and was hospitalized with an infection. We thought we had turned a corner, but unfortunately, the infection wouldn’t let go. After a month-long fight in the intensive care unit (ICU), Ashley passed away three weeks shy of her 30th birthday. It felt like we went from lying on the couch watching TV together to her funeral in the blink of an eye.
Looking back, the signs of a decline were there. She was getting more infections, losing weight, and having a harder time doing the things she was accustomed to. During the last month of her life especially, her struggle had become a topic of daily conversation. I can see these signs in hindsight — and could see some of them at the time — but in the moment, I always thought she was okay and we’d get through it. I don’t think she truly knew how sick she was until the last few weeks.
It’s because of how healthy she seemed to be that I took my cues on how she was doing from her. She said she was okay and I accepted that. I still did not know enough about CF, or living with someone with CF, to know or deal with it any better than I did. Perhaps I was also a bit afraid of knowing the answers to certain questions. I wish I had asked some of these things sooner, and I implore you if you are in a similar situation to be persistent and ask those questions.
Ashley was an amazing woman. She lived her life on her terms, and not CF’s. She accomplished a great deal in her short time here with us, and brought joy and happiness to so many. I wish we would have had the future we planned, but I’m grateful for the time we had, and I’m a better person for having known her. I would not change a thing aside from learning more about CF earlier, because Ashley changed my life for the better. People with CF have to deal with a lot of challenges on a daily basis, and Ashley’s perseverance and zest for life was incredibly inspiring. It has sparked something in me to help and do more that I didn’t know was there.
That month in the ICU was the most difficult time of my life. The year since she passed has not been much easier, but time has helped to heal. Thankfully, my friends and family, including Ashley’s family, have been a great support.
Jesse was engaged to a beautiful woman, Ashley Briggs, who passed away in early 2017 due to complications from cystic fibrosis. He lives in Plymouth, Massachusetts. Jesse earned a bachelor of science degree in business administration at Bryant University in Rhode Island, and a master of business administration degree at the University of Massachusetts Boston, majoring in marketing. You can learn more about the foundation her family has created in memory of Ashley, the Breathe for Bea Foundation, which is focused on helping other families like theirs fight Cystic Fibrosis, by visiting
https://www.breatheforbea.org/
Help Others Live STRONGER and LONGER-
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