Coming into the holiday season, I find myself connecting with all gifts that have been bestowed upon me. Living with CF has given me many gifts. But the gift of Play is the one lesson that I had forgotten and am so thankful to be reminded of because it the most essential of all.
Unfortunately, being sick and hospitalized nearly every other month means that sometimes I find myself waiting for my body to become sick. Time is ticking. You may be saying to yourself that I am setting myself up for failure. I admit, this is definitely NOT the way I should be thinking, but after a year of this exact routine, it becomes hard to condition myself to think otherwise. At the one-month mark I become extra observant of my feelings and emotions to tackle any virus head-on. I prefer to look at this as being proactive. But there is truth to having planted a seed in your mind and then having it come to life.
As every setback can be a set up for a come back; every month of freedom is greater than the last. This time becomes increasingly valuable for me. I take extra precaution to fill it with exactly what needs to be; painting, dancing, friends. The last year has been more difficult because of many transitions in New York taking a toll on my health. One thing the CF cries out for is routine. For the spontaneous, wanderlust filled individuals, this can be the greatest challenge. This past month I had a trip planned to Denver at exactly this dreaded one-month deadline. I needed this trip to say the least. It had a purpose to complete an art project and a bonus of seeing my friends who became my family in Denver.
I found myself in a place that was scary and obscure. I put it in my head that I didn’t want to go, I couldn’t go and I would become sick if I did go. This is so unlike me to pass up a trip, even with impending sickness. I love traveling; it is part of my soul. But, I didn’t want to go. I simply couldn’t rationalize getting sick again. The hospital can break you down mentally and the antibiotics take a toll on you physically. I told my friends and family I wasn’t going, but couldn’t bring myself to actually cancel the ticket. (Thank you subconscious!)
The day approached to leave and I still was struggling with uncertainty. The only people truly encouraging me to go were my immediate family reminding me that it would be ok if I got sick, I could just be hospitalized in Denver with my favorite Doctor in the world. True…. And, if I didn’t go I would have been wondering what would have happened the whole time. So I went. I got on the plane and in that moment of boarding the plane, I became everything that I am once again; a traveler, a friend, an artist.
I went to Denver and came back. The one-month mark has past and I am not sick! It’s easy to get caught up in illness and let it determine your decisions, which it should to an extent, but it is most important to remember to Play and be you, because health will follow happiness.
Vicki Thompson is a 29 year old residing in NY with cystic fibrosis. Her passions include the arts and being active. She has coordinated many CF related community art projects and looks forward to creating more. She is a Social Media Marketing Manager, Alice in Wonderland enthusiast and dances like a live chicken being thrown onto the grill. Feel free to connect with her at vickithompson27@gmail.com
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