When I was a child, as is probably the case for most people, the holidays were about receiving gifts, toys, clothes, love, etc. As I got older, I realized a greater importance on giving, as opposed to receiving. It would give me more pleasure to see someone else’s face light up than to humbly question if the gift on my lap was really something I needed, as there were plenty of people with so much less than I.
However, living for almost two decades through the cold and dark winters of Vermont, I noticed a greater and greater difficulty to maintain not only my energy, but also my positivity through the winter months. The most difficult part, I found, was the darkness.
With very little ambient light in a primarily rural region, I would find the time of holiday lights popping up on the occasional house to give me a little spark of joy, and actually reminding me that these were the shortest days of the year, and from the holidays on, I could look forward to brighter and longer days.
This realization of the importance of light, especially amidst such darkness, came to be the most important factor of the holidays for me. Not just the twinkly lights on trees and houses, but light in the world. Both Chanukah and Christmas have central key components of ‘light’. Both occur near the winter solstice, where in the northern hemisphere, the sun will begin to return as the Earth again begins to shift on its axis.
The sun gives light and warmth that IS energy, which both plants and animals require for life. However, I also like to consider ‘light’ as a factor of human kindness, love and warmth. While the giving of this ‘light’ has become symbolic in giving tangible gifts, it is also given through small gestures of holding the door for someone, smiling to a stranger and for no other reason than the time of year wishing them “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas” (how interesting that just the opposite happens in the midst of hunting for material items in the stores, and parking lots).
Having been treated for cystic fibrosis since my diagnosis at birth, I, as many of us, have been the recipient of care, love and attention. I know I am not the only one who finds it difficult after some time to take, take, take, and constantly be the recipient of this energy. I find there is only a certain capacity for it, and like filling up a closet, some must be given away in order to receive any more. Otherwise, the doors must be shut, or like a hoarder, the entitlement and expectation of take, take, take will pile up until it suffocates you or comes crashing down.
On the other side, one cannot give, give, give of their own ‘light’ without receiving, or they will find themselves depleted and exhausted, and ultimately miserable. I believe, especially with CF, that it is as important to give as it is to receive. But there should be a balance or moderation of focusing on both giving of yourself even in simple acts throughout every day, as well as allowing the help, kindness and concern of others.
For me, CF is not something I can do alone, physically or mentally. The supports in my life are as critical as the vest I wear each morning and night and aerosols I breathe. However, helping others is also as normal to me as swallowing a handful of enzymes every time I eat.
And with this practice, the brilliance of the tiny but vibrant holiday lights that pierce the winter darkness, are able to continue to bring light into a sometimes dark and heavy world throughout the year, thereby making everyday a holiday.
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